Shabbat Around the Table -- A Thanksgiving Challenge

Giving thanks almost feels like a cliche this time of year. But giving thanks, or expressing gratitude, even when one doesn't feel especially thankful, has been shown to have positive effects. When we take the time to 'recognize the good' (in Hebrew, hakarat hatov), especially on a regular basis, we find ourselves feeling calmer, less anxious, less resentful, happier, more generous, and more joyful.

Some people have a tradition of expressing gratitude at Thanksgiving or around the Shabbat table every Friday night. Some people give thanks as part of their evening prayers. But we don't have to wait for these designated times to express gratitude. Opportunities present themselves multiple times over the course of the day; we just have to make the time to recognize and acknowledge them.

In Pennsylvania, I noticed a creek that reminded me of where I grew up. That made me nostalgic . . . and thankful for the memories. (See the video below to understand why.) A friend sent me a link of a cashier helping an elderly gentleman count out his quarters in a Wal-Mart checkout line. Even though I don't know her, I'm grateful that that clerk was there in that moment for that man, instead of someone else who might have had less patience.

So here's the challenge. 'Recognize the good' at least once every day between now and Thanksgiving and express your gratitude in front of your children. Use specific language so they understand why a moment is a moment deserving of gratitude. Help them see the beauty and kindness that exists in our world. It really is everywhere.

I am grateful to one of the directors at my retreat for sharing this idea with the group. Happy Thanksgiving!

Shabbat and the Family Dinner

Every now and then I’ll come across a study that seems to confirm the importance or validity of a Jewish tradition. This happened a few years ago when I read about the research promoting the importance of the family dinner and immediately connected it with the Friday night Shabbat meal. In addition to the traditional and spiritual benefits of celebrating Shabbat as a family, there are countless other benefits to simply sitting down together a few times a week to enjoy a meal together.

From The Family Dinner Project (thefamilydinnerproject.org): Over the past 15 years researchers have confirmed what parents have known for a long time: sharing a family meal is good for the spirit, the brain and the health of all family members. Recent studies link regular family dinners with many behaviors that parents pray for: lower rates of substance abuse, teen pregnancy and depression, as well as higher grade-point averages and self-esteem. Studies also indicate that dinner conversation is a more potent vocabulary-booster than reading, and the stories told around the kitchen table help our children build resilience. The icing on the cake is that regular family meals also lower the rates of obesity and eating disorders in children and adolescents. Shabbat affords families the perfect opportunity to reap these benefits.

One way that we promote the value of Shabbat and the family dinner in the preschool is by sending home “Shabbat Bags.” Every week a different family gets the chance to take home the class’s Shabbat Bag. Each bag contains two small challahs, a small bottle of grape juice, a Kiddush cup, candle sticks, and candles. There is a small blessings booklet, a Shabbat storybook, and a binder for each family to write a little about their Shabbat experience. Each week that the bag goes home, another family adds their story for the next family to enjoy the following week.

I was so impressed with this school tradition last year that I wondered why we waited until mid-year to start it. This year we’ll start after the high holidays and before Thanksgiving, providing each family at least two or three opportunities to take home the Shabbat Bag. Each class is also going to work on creating an element to go into the bag (like a challah cover or candlesticks) so that the children in the class take ownership of their bag and take extra pride in it when they take it home to share with their families.

While there are certain customs associated with the Shabbat meal, in my opinion there’s really no wrong way to celebrate Shabbat. Families shouldn’t feel so overwhelmed by the “do’s” and “don’ts” of Shabbat that they hesitate to give it a try. Start with what is familiar, and build from there. You’re worried that you don’t have time to make a traditional meal? Or no one will like it? If your kids love pizza, and if ordering a pizza gives you the time to sit down as a family, then order the pizza. And have Oreos for dessert. Maybe some of the meal’s rituals don’t resonate with your family for whatever reason. Don’t force it. Find or create traditions that do have meaning for your family. Maybe instead of reciting the traditional priestly blessing for the children you tell them something about themselves that makes you proud. Whatever your family make-up or level of observance, it’s about finding the time to be together as a family that’s most important.

The Environment as the Third Teacher

The week before school started, our teachers attended a workshop entitled “The Environment as the Third Teacher.” (In case you’re wondering, the other two teachers are first and foremost the child’s parent and later on their classroom teacher.) By seriously considering the space in which children learn, and the materials that are available to them, classroom teachers demonstrate respect for children. The right kind of classroom environment creates a sense of safety and warmth; it invigorates children and leads to excitement and joy, discovery and collaboration. The wrong kind of environment stifles and distracts from real learning. When classroom environments are constructed thoughtfully, teachers also begin to view their role differently. They come to regard themselves less as conveyors of information and more as facilitators of learning.

Preschool classrooms can and should be beautiful. They should be warm and welcoming and aesthetically pleasing. They should look more like a home and less like an elementary school. Rooms that are cluttered are distracting; rooms that are splashed with nothing but primary colors are overwhelming. Natural light (which we thankfully have in abundance!), houseplants, neutral colors, well-organized spaces, and a variety of materials discourage chaos and invite reflection and creativity.

Even the placement of classroom supplies is worth careful consideration. When a teacher places art materials on a high shelf, they are sending a message: the children in this classroom aren’t trusted to use glue and scissors on their own. They must first ask for permission to create. The teacher is completely in control. When those same materials are kept at the child’s level, the children know they are trusted. They understand that they can draw and paint and cut and glue when they want to. They learn how to use the materials safely, and they learn how to be responsible by putting the supplies away when they are finished. They are given the opportunity to demonstrate that they are capable and competent.

When teachers take advantage of their environment, real learning happens. Rather than deciding months in advance that a unit on hibernation is called for when it’s wintertime, taking advantage of a squirrel sighting on the playground can lead to an investigation. The children spot the squirrel burying an acorn and ask questions. Rather than give them information, the teacher wonders how to find the answers to the questions. That leads to a trip to the class library. Soon the children are spotting squirrels everywhere, counting them, wondering if it’s the same squirrel or many squirrels. They’ve become acute observers. The teacher provides them with clipboards and paper and writing materials to draw what they see. Now they’ve become scientists. One thing leads to another – every decision the teacher makes to further the learning creates deeper meaning and understanding for the children. And the children are learning much more than just facts; they’re learning how to learn. This can only happen when the teacher understands and respects the possibilities that the environment provides.

This year in the preschool we’re focusing on our environment, on making it more beautiful and accessible, and learning how to take better advantage of it. One small step in that direction was to paint all the classroom doors white over the summer. The hallway looks so much brighter and fresher; thank you again to all the parents, grandparents, alumni, friends, and spouses who volunteered. We’ve also begun purging some of the clutter that’s accumulated over the years to make room for more creative and open-ended toys and materials. Teachers are also rethinking their classroom spaces and finding ways to use them differently. Finally, teachers are always encouraged to take advantage of learning opportunities that present themselves, even if that means ditching a planned activity. Children will learn the skills they need to learn regardless of the content, and if they are invested in the content, they’ll learn and retain the skills better. I’m looking forward to an exciting year full of new possibilities!

Shabbat Around the Table -- Yom Kippur

Tonight is not only Shabbat, it's also the start of Yom Kippur. It's a time for deep introspection, a time to acknowledge the ways in which you fell short this  year and to think about how to do better next year. There is a prayer service tonight, lasting about three hours, followed by a full day of prayer tomorrow. The service starts at 9 am and won't conclude until around 7 pm. There is usually only an hour or so break in the service in the afternoon. It's an intense day, made more so by the fast. From 6 pm tonight until 7 pm tomorrow, there is no eating or drinking at all. Not even water. Fasting enables those in the service to focus solely on their prayers; for many, this is a deeply spiritual experience.

A tradition associated with Yom Kippur is to donate the food that you would have eaten that day to the needy. Our synagogue has a food drive every year to encourage people to give. Especially in light of the natural disasters that have befallen our fellow citizens in Texas, Florida, and Puerto Rico, now is a perfect time to talk with your children about the needs of others and to show them how to give. Another Jewish tradition is to "leave the corners of your fields for the poor." In ancient times, the Israelites wouldn't harvest the grain from the corners of their fields, instead leaving it for the poor to come and gather for themselves. One way to recreate this mitzvah (or good deed) in modern times is to buy a little extra food at the grocery store at every visit and donate it. Your children could help by selecting the food that will be donated. Young children take great pride in helping others. Now is the perfect time to instill in them values of compassion and generosity.

Shabbat Around the Table -- Nitzavim Vayeilech

In this week's parsha (or weekly Torah reading) Moses reminds the people of the covenant God has made with them. God has not only made this covenant with the "people standing here today" but also with "the people not here today," which has always been understood to mean future generations.

This notion that future generations are beholden to the promises of their ancestors might not fit with our modern sensibilities, but to me it's a profound reminder that what we do now -- or don't do now   -- will matter in some way, somehow in the future. Our actions (or inactions) do have consequences, some immediate, and some we'll never even live to see.

As parents, this might feel overwhelming and exhausting. It might feel like a burden. It some ways it is. But we can also see it as a privilege. We can remember another Jewish value, tikkun olam, which literally means repair the world. We believe it is our duty to work with God to finish the work of God's creation, meaning that it's incumbent upon us to do our part -- small or large -- to make the world a little better than we left it. We're not doing it for us, we're doing it for our children and their children.

There is a story about an old man planting a fig tree by the side of the road. A stranger walks by and laughs at him: "Why are you bothering to plant that tree? You'll never live long enough to eat its fruits!" The old man replies, "My ancestors planted fig trees for me. And now I am planting this fig tree for my children and grandchildren."

As your children continue to grow, take time to acknowledge, and feel joyful about, all the fig trees you're planting for them. 

Looking Ahead to the Fall

Founded in 2005, Agudas Achim Preschool will turn thirteen this school year.  This milestone provides us with the perfect opportunity to reflect on the past and think about the future – to think about the kind of community we want to be and the kind of program we want to offer. To that end, I want to share just a few exciting new changes, large and small, to look forward to this fall.

Our playground, already a perfect balance between a traditional play space and a natural environment, will be made even more beautiful when the children work together to plant a garden. There’s a particular corner that needs tending to. Working with parent volunteers, we’ll hopefully plant a flower garden that can be enjoyed over multiple seasons by the entire community.

            

Kitah Katom friends
enjoying some of our new vehicles.

We are so fortunate to have the social hall available to us; few, if any, other preschools have such a large and well equipped gross motor play space. But, much of the equipment has begun to show its age. Last year we purchased Imagination Playground, or big blue blocks. This year we’ll have new riding toys, including low riders (think Big Wheels), a “taxi” for transporting friends, and even a space buggy, which will be exactly as much fun as it sounds. We’re also replacing the worn foam blocks with newer, studier blocks perfect for climbing and tumbling.

           

Of course, each classroom will get new toys as well, many of which will be math and science oriented. Last year we’d noted that we needed more of those kinds of toys in the classrooms. To that end, we’re going to take advantage of an unused classroom this year and equip it with a variety of math, science, engineering, and art supplies. This multi-purpose room will start out small, but hopefully grow to be something that truly sets Agudas Achim Preschool apart from every other preschool in Alexandria.

            

None of these new purchases could have been made without the overwhelming generosity of our preschool parents (and grandparents!) and the members of this congregation. Please know that every donation you make to the preschool helps provide our children with remarkable new opportunities to explore and to grow, which in turn allows our program to thrive. Thank you. Here’s to the next thirteen years. 

Shabbat Around the Table -- Shelach

In parsha Shelach, Moses sends the twelve spies into the land of Israel to do a reconnaissance mission. They come back talking about a land flowing with milk and honey, but also inhabitants the size of giants. The scouts had felt like grasshoppers in their presence. Upon hearing this report, the Israelites are terrified.

I imagine that some of our students entering kindergarten next year might feel like grasshoppers when they walk through the doors of a school much bigger than the one they've just left. 

It's hard to do something for the first time. And going to kindergarten -- all by yourself, without mommy or daddy or a caregiver to walk you to your classroom door -- is a big first. But it's also one you'll never forget. 

I hope that your child's first day of kindergarten, whether it'll be this September or a fews years from now, is beautiful and meaningful. Your child might go in feeling like a tiny little grasshopper, but on the way out, full of pride and accomplishment, they'll feel like a giant.